Fruit cake

Not really writing much in this blog. I've been feeling either so busy or just run down that I've not felt the need. Overall my weekend was quite good. I mean - not as bad as I was expecting. That's not to say that life is any less of a headfuck right now...but c'est la vie.

So...Thursday was great. Was supposed to meet Erica but ended up going to a party in Victoria with Christina. Had a really good time - despite my recent 'demons' I was able to meet a whole slew of new people are generally act very confidently. I think I really hit it off with some of them and felt totally at home. Was startled to see Andy sitting outside Victoria station with his ex. Still don't know what to make of the guy. In some ways I really like him...I mean really like him but, then again, I still can't help but feel he was one of the main reasons why Julia and I fell apart. That was still her fault though. Not to digress - Chris and I ended up taking one of the last trains home. My memory is somewhat hazy but I remember her making a pass at me. After all these years we still clearly have feelings for each other. Things got incredibly steamy on the train with her sliding her hands into my boxers and me fingering her until she came - in fact, I don't think I've ever felt a girl that wet before; she was dripping and tasted so amazing. Still pinching myself that it happened. She was even texting me on Friday afternoon with some pretty lurid details but things have gone essentially silent now.

Julia and I are, well, I don't know how we are. I think I'm generally getting over it despite her efforts to get a rise out of me. I find when I simply don't listen to her she still tries hard to get my attention. It's like, on paper, the girl is a wreck - her hygiene is sub-par...her health is awful, she lacks total motivation in life and her breath - SHIT! Then I lay next to her...feel her soft warm skin and want to be as close to her as is humanly possible. I just want to kiss her softly and wake her up like I used to. I liked just watching her sleep last night and her huge breasts just moving in motion. It is best for us to be apart - to separate totally. I realise over the weekend that my friends are truly there for me and consequently always will be.

I need to be firm with what I want. I can go places...I need a good rest and to start applying for jobs!

Right, time for fruit cake!