......

Wurd

Wonder how long it’s been since I last wrote one of these? Hmmmm…

In fact, as usual, I’ve no idea why I’m even bothering.

Life’s pretty good at the moment. Not perfect but, then again; when is it? I’m still pissed off with my appearance and weight. I think I’ve lost some weight but I can barely fit into my old clothing now. Grrr! I really need to hit the gym more often.

Slept with Karla again the other night which was amazing. Not sure if it’s right or wrong but it’s happened and it felt right. Despite things with Kelly and other girls I still wish (badly!!!) that Karla and I could be together.

Saw Hellboy II last night – nothing special. Still haven’t seen Batman. Oh well. Was worth it just to have her rest her head on my shoulder and hugging her on the walk back to the car.

Got tickets to see Jesus and Mary Chain – just got to ensure I don’t get trashed beforehand. In fact – I think I’m going on my own!

Not much else to report.

Peace out x

Holy Man

Bingo!

Time to write something down…and kill some time.

So, how am I? Pretty good, to be fair. Considering all the shit that’s transpired over the past couple of months I feel remarkably stable and optimistic.

Despite being callous and bitter towards Karla I’m trying my hardest to be a better person. And it feels right. She doesn’t deserve to be treated in such a bad manner. She’s a truly wonderful girl and I hope we can stay together for some time to come. We had mindblowing sex on Sunday night. I got her to strip naked and just wear her leather knee boots. She went down on me for what seemed like ages and even finished me off with her hands. AMAZING!

Anyway, I digress…

I’m still harbouring feelings for Bekka to an extent. I hate it when things don’t quite go the whole way. I mean, the girl slipped her hand down my trousers behind the bar and was stroking my cock and was all over me…and now; it feels like I know her less than I did when I’d first met her. Odd. Seriously, she has the firmest arse I’ve ever felt and those slouch boots drive me insane!

Work’s generally pretty good. I really need a pay increase…and quick. I’m not saving enough money and it pains me to be on such a low salary. I’m better than this. Oh well, I guess I’m still young. Maybe I should look for another job that pays better? Then again, all I wanted to do was work here but £16.5K is so little to live on.

Going to Sevenoaks this weekend which should be good. Again, it’s financially draining but c’est la vie.

Not much else I can write really. Best crack on…

Holy Man

Bingo!

Time to write something down…and kill some time.

So, how am I? Pretty good, to be fair. Considering all the shit that’s transpired over the past couple of months I feel remarkably stable and optimistic.

Despite being callous and bitter towards Karla I’m trying my hardest to be a better person. And it feels right. She doesn’t deserve to be treated in such a bad manner. She’s a truly wonderful girl and I hope we can stay together for some time to come. We had mindblowing sex on Sunday night. I got her to strip naked and just wear her leather knee boots. She went down on me for what seemed like ages and even finished me off with her hands. AMAZING!

Anyway, I digress…

I’m still harbouring feelings for Bekka to an extent. I hate it when things don’t quite go the whole way. I mean, the girl slipped her hand down my trousers behind the bar and was stroking my cock and was all over me…and now; it feels like I know her less than I did when I’d first met her. Odd. Seriously, she has the firmest arse I’ve ever felt and those slouch boots drive me insane!

Work’s generally pretty good. I really need a pay increase…and quick. I’m not saving enough money and it pains me to be on such a low salary. I’m better than this. Oh well, I guess I’m still young. Maybe I should look for another job that pays better? Then again, all I wanted to do was work here but £16.5K is so little to live on.

Going to Sevenoaks this weekend which should be good. Again, it’s financially draining but c’est la vie.

Not much else I can write really. Best crack on…

Bing!

Wurd!

Time to write more stuff…after I realise that sad, twatty ex’s still keep online blogs. Looking in your direction Penny and Sarah! Least you both wore slutty leather trousers and boots for me! Ha, the sluts!

So, yeah, how am I? Pretty damn good really. Today’s been bad, granted…but overall life’s nice. I’m still struggling a bit financially but c’est la vie. Even after selling the Sheraton and other bits ‘n’ bobs I’m still in the red. Hmmm…

I’ve been a lot perkier though. Had a solid run of 7 days feeling very happy and optimistic. My blood tests were negative and I’m (technically) fit and healthy. I’ve not smoked in over 5 days now and still have no need for a fag. I also joined the gym which has been superb. Got to keep up with the cardio work.

What else is new? Kelly and I are still talking lots. Still as much as a head-fuck now as it was all those years ago. Karla and I are great but I still feel it lacks a certain ‘killer spirit’. It’s like Izy all over again – things are chilled and nice between us. But do I want nice? Well, I certainly don’t want another Julia on my hands. I just wish she was a little more…well…not so straight-laced. I’m sure she’s good for me though. And I still love being around her. Who knows!

I’m now 27 and had a decent birthday. Not much else to say really…

Dizzy...

Eurgh! Feeling so disorientated today. I swear it’s because I smoke. Mustn’t complain; I’ve had a reasonably good day. Still hacked off that I seem perpetually lethargic despite getting an average of seven hours sleep a night. My head feels so heavy…

It’s been an odd few weeks without Karla. Never thought I’d miss her this much so soon. I guess it’s the security and comfort she offers me. Plus sleeping on my own isn’t much fun. Can’t wait until she’s back. I miss the intimacy, too!

Caught up with Darren last night which was superb. Good to have such a close friend still living in Leicester. Really did miss him when I moved home.

Not much has happened with the band because of Easter and personal issues with Ty. Shame really. I think we really could go somewhere. Going into the rehearsal rooms was superb – even though I had too much to drink but it’s all coming together quite nicely.

Still haven’t been back to Kent and, to be fair, I’ve no interest. I mean; what is there back home? Family – granted – oh, and a few friends. And by friends I mean genuine friends. 2007 was still such an eye-opener for me. I’m not sure I’ve recovered from it by a long shot. Maybe I was naive to think I’d move back to Leicester and everything would magically alter for the better. I mean, in many ways life is great – good job, band, Karla, friends, my own place…but my mind is probably still a little fried and fragile from taking far too many knocks last year. I decided to sever contact with certain people. Probably because I’m bitter but it had to be done. F**k people like Jodie and that whole inbred clique of people. I guess I was never ‘in there’ in the first instance but they have an incredibly annoying hive mentality and I don’t see them going anywhere in the lives/careers. They’re happy to go to the pub and do the same boring things week in-week out. Oh, and fuck that little shit, Neil Swan. What a cunt…

Well, home-time for me. Not sure what to do this evening. My flat needs a thorough clean but I’ve neither the time nor energy to do it. Maybe just dinner and a DVD. Zzzzzz…

Agitated...

Yes, for some reason I'm highly agitated today. No real reason for it - I slept well and the weather is good. Despite the (endless) financial problems and messing up with the white a couple of weeks ago.

I still have relapses where my past really gets to me. I'm still utterly shocked at how some people in Medway acted and treated me. Says a lot for loyalty. For some reason Julia appeared in my dream last night which has fucked with my head. Really upsets me.

Working with a few gimps at work makes me laugh though. And I thought I was highly strung...

Karla and I are happy. Admitted our love to each other. It's moving at a nice pace. I wish I knew how she felt truly though. Maybe she is just shy. Hmmmm...

Well, I've got a mountain of work to do so I'd best crack on. Just wish I didn't feel like putting my fist through a wall!

Dead End Street...

Hmmm, time to write something down. And not in my recent drunken way; no way!
So, here I am; in my fifth week in Leicester…and how is it? One word – superb. I couldn’t have hoped for a better start.

My job is great – I’m truly settled and have already made some good friends. I no longer get anxious going to bed at nights knowing that I have work in the morning. I’m always on time and live (around) 4 minutes from my office.

Flat is very nice – a little small and sterile but it’ll take on a personality of its own before long.
Joined a band with some guys who I work with and that’s going swimmingly. Just need to polish up on my bass-playing skills but that’ll come soon enough!

I really miss not having a cat. I’m not allowed one where I live which is a pain. Soon though; soon…

I digress though – I’m lucky to have met someone very special – Karla. I’m already besotted with her. Rather lucky as I met her on my second day here and we’re now an item. She's beyond words, I get nervous before I see her...I love it when she touches me and, on an intimate level, it feels like love and not lust. I'm totally smitten.

I had to get rid of Sarah. For some reason she irritated me beyond words. Too clingy; too talky; too damn annoying. There’s just something about her as a person that really riles me. Maybe it’s how over-dramatic she is about seemingly everything or maybe it’s that stupid image she sports. It just seems a tad immature and, in a way; tacky. The icing on top, as petty as it sounds, was when she lost me £20 when I went to buy Fight Night. All because she walked as slow as an old granny. And what’s up with her ‘witch’ nose and acne?! Yeck!

It’s a glorious day out there. I managed to find Darth Revan in FP. Yeah, life’s sweet. It’s given me ample time to recover from the whole Medway ‘scene’. No more drugs…no more liars…no more spineless dregs (Jodie…) and no more Julia.

As smug or as bitter as this all sounds I feel I deserve to be. I took a huge step moving here and, so far, at least, I’ve been an amiable success.