How strange that a single person who, on face value, means essentially nothing to me can turn my world upside down. And why is it when things seem to go my way I feel anxious and want to up and move… to shuffle along and try and get comfortable in a position that’s practically the same as the former.
Chasing Sarah for years and years to finally get with her again and, well, for what? What was the point? In over a month I’d filled my boots of her and realised that I had to be with someone else: Another girl who turned my world upside down – someone who I didn’t share all that much in common with; someone who many people would describe as plain and unadventurous.
And after 18 months of this so-called bliss (which, let’s face it, it ain’t!!!) I want to play the same game again. In many ways I have been playing said game with someone who I’m apparently in love with. So this girl listens to you, jokes with you, lets you sit in her car for nearly two hours sharing quiet moments about how you both have suffered from speech impediments, your favourite dinosaur when you were both kids was the dipolodocus and you both adore The Beatles. Great… and I mean really great.
So then what? You take a gamble and end up single to have one fleeting chance with the girl of your dreams. Or you rectify things with your current partner who you feel only intense disdain for.
Writing about it is fun, though. Drain all that hatred and bile from you and fill up on that nice feeling… and feelings that makes me feel somehow childish and dirty but cherishing every moment of those 90 minutes knowing that she’ll invariably go off with another. I’ll sit there and laugh…
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